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How to let failed past relationships be your greatest strength – VIDEO

A relationship breakdown can knock the confidence of even the most resilient among us. Whatever the causes or circumstances of a partnership ending, it can lead us down a negative path of self-doubt, self-blame and deep and painful feelings of unworthiness. If we find our marriage on the rocks, or we're ghosted after just a few dates with someone we felt chemistry with, we can turn inwards, questioning what we did wrong, and giving ourselves damaging messages about our value and worthiness of love.


To anyone who can relate to the above (i.e. 100% of humans), we challenge you to reframe your failures as something much more positive. In fact, that sense of failure that you carry in your pocket, weighing you down, might just be the very thing that leads you onto the life you always hoped you'd have. Feel like a stretch too far? Bear with us while we tell you a story...

Just a few weeks short of her 39th birthday, British journalist Elizabeth Day found herself single after the end of a long relationship. The blow was "brutal". She hadn't seen it coming, and it devastated her completely and entirely. As she reflected on her 30s, the four novels she'd had published seemed no longer to hold any value. She'd been married and divorced, met 'The One' and then failed to have children after two unsuccessful rounds of IVF and a miscarriage, and then faced her forties – a decade she'd imagine she'd live with a partner and child by her side – all alone. No wonder she took herself off to another continent to lick her wounds in a new time zone.

But it was in LA that she had an epiphany. And that was that each failure she'd experienced in her life, had, in turn, taught her some of her most important lessons, which, in turn again, had led on to greater happiness. She decided to explore the idea. She began a podcast called 'How To Fail' onto which she invited various (very brave) associates to discuss their three greatest failures for the public at large to consume.
 

“I began to look very differently at my failures and I began to see that each one taught me something so valuable about who I was and what I wanted going forward,” says Elizabeth. “Each one had been a lesson wrapped up in a mistake. A nudge from the universe in a slightly different direction.”

Having shared her own failures, and those of so many others, she now sees failings as “beautiful journeys of discovery”, which we think is a lovely way to think about past regrets.

While this viewpoint doesn’t lessen the pain of a regret or a failure, there is comfort to be taken in the fact that everyone fails, and those failures can teach us so much, and open up the path for greater truth, courage, knowledge, and, most importantly, love.

“All of us fail in myriad ways almost every single day and yet we live in an age where it’s really difficult to be honest about failure. We live in an age of curated perfection because of social media,” says Day.

“When we choose to be open and honest about that vulnerability that's when we become our strongest. However bleak it feels, however much you think you have failed, cling on that little bit longer because the real failure might be not finding out what happens next.”



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Author: Rebecca

Rebecca lives in London with her husband, daughter and dachshund. She hopes her dating blogs for Flame Introductions will inspire you to seek out the best London and UK locations for brilliant dates, and discover some tips along the way to help you find your perfect partner.

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